Relationship is one of the mysteries.
And because it exists between
two persons, it depends on both. Whenever two persons meet, a new
world is created. Just by their meeting, a new phenomenon comes into
existence -- which was not before, which never existed before. And
through that new phenomenon, both persons are changed and transformed.
Unrelated, you are one thing; related, immediately you become
something else. A new thing has happened. A woman when she becomes a
lover is no longer the same woman.
A man when he becomes a father is no longer the same man. A child is
born, but we miss one point completely; the moment the child is born,
the mother is also born. This never existed before. The woman existed,
but the mother never. And a mother is something absolutely new.
Relationship is created by you, but then, in its turn, relationship
creates you. Two persons meet, that means two worlds meet. It is not a
simple thing but very complex, the most complex.
Each person is a world unto himself or herself, a complex mystery with
a long past and an eternal future. In the beginning only peripheries
meet. But if the relationship grows intimate, becomes closer, becomes
deeper, then by and by centers start meeting. When centers meet, it is
called love. When peripheries meet, it is acquaintance. You touch the
person from the without, just from the boundary, then it is
acquaintance. Many times you start calling your acquaintance your
love. Then you are in a fallacy. Acquaintance is not love.
Love is very rare. To meet a person at his center is to pass through a
revolution yourself, because if you want to meet a person at his
center, you will have to allow that person to reach to your center
also. You will have to become vulnerable, absolutely vulnerable, open.
It is risky. To allow somebody to reach your center is risky,
dangerous, because you never know what that person will do to you. And
once all your secrets are known, once your hiddenness has become
unhidden, once you are exposed completely, what that other person will
do, you never know. The fear is there. That's why we never open.
Just acquaintance, and we think that love has happened. Peripheries
meet, and we think we have met. You are not your periphery. Really,
the periphery is the boundary where you end, just the fencing around
you. It is not you! The periphery is the place where you end and the
world begins. Even husbands and wives who may have lived together for
many years may be just acquaintances. They may not have known each
other. And the more you live with someone, the more you forget
completely that the centers have remained unknown.
So the first thing to be understood is: don't take acquaintance as
love. You may be making love, you may be sexually related, but sex is
also peripheral. Unless centers meet, sex is just a meeting of two
bodies. And a meeting of two bodies is not your meeting. Sex also
remains acquaintance --physical, bodily, but still acquaintance. You
can allow somebody to enter to your center only when you are not
afraid, when you are not fearful. So I say to you that there are two
types of living. One: fear-oriented; one: love-oriented.
Fear-oriented living can never lead you into deep relationship. You
remain afraid, and the other cannot be allowed, cannot be allowed to
penetrate you to your very core. To an extent you allow the other and
then the wall comes and everything stops. The love-oriented person is
the religious person. The love-oriented person means one who is not
afraid of the future, one who is not afraid of the result and the
consequence, who lives here and now. Don't be bothered about the
result. That is the fear-oriented mind. Don't think about what will
happen out of it.
Just be here, and act totally. Don't calculate. A fear-oriented man is
always calculating, planning, arranging, safeguarding. His whole life
is lost in this way.
Osho
two persons, it depends on both. Whenever two persons meet, a new
world is created. Just by their meeting, a new phenomenon comes into
existence -- which was not before, which never existed before. And
through that new phenomenon, both persons are changed and transformed.
Unrelated, you are one thing; related, immediately you become
something else. A new thing has happened. A woman when she becomes a
lover is no longer the same woman.
A man when he becomes a father is no longer the same man. A child is
born, but we miss one point completely; the moment the child is born,
the mother is also born. This never existed before. The woman existed,
but the mother never. And a mother is something absolutely new.
Relationship is created by you, but then, in its turn, relationship
creates you. Two persons meet, that means two worlds meet. It is not a
simple thing but very complex, the most complex.
Each person is a world unto himself or herself, a complex mystery with
a long past and an eternal future. In the beginning only peripheries
meet. But if the relationship grows intimate, becomes closer, becomes
deeper, then by and by centers start meeting. When centers meet, it is
called love. When peripheries meet, it is acquaintance. You touch the
person from the without, just from the boundary, then it is
acquaintance. Many times you start calling your acquaintance your
love. Then you are in a fallacy. Acquaintance is not love.
Love is very rare. To meet a person at his center is to pass through a
revolution yourself, because if you want to meet a person at his
center, you will have to allow that person to reach to your center
also. You will have to become vulnerable, absolutely vulnerable, open.
It is risky. To allow somebody to reach your center is risky,
dangerous, because you never know what that person will do to you. And
once all your secrets are known, once your hiddenness has become
unhidden, once you are exposed completely, what that other person will
do, you never know. The fear is there. That's why we never open.
Just acquaintance, and we think that love has happened. Peripheries
meet, and we think we have met. You are not your periphery. Really,
the periphery is the boundary where you end, just the fencing around
you. It is not you! The periphery is the place where you end and the
world begins. Even husbands and wives who may have lived together for
many years may be just acquaintances. They may not have known each
other. And the more you live with someone, the more you forget
completely that the centers have remained unknown.
So the first thing to be understood is: don't take acquaintance as
love. You may be making love, you may be sexually related, but sex is
also peripheral. Unless centers meet, sex is just a meeting of two
bodies. And a meeting of two bodies is not your meeting. Sex also
remains acquaintance --physical, bodily, but still acquaintance. You
can allow somebody to enter to your center only when you are not
afraid, when you are not fearful. So I say to you that there are two
types of living. One: fear-oriented; one: love-oriented.
Fear-oriented living can never lead you into deep relationship. You
remain afraid, and the other cannot be allowed, cannot be allowed to
penetrate you to your very core. To an extent you allow the other and
then the wall comes and everything stops. The love-oriented person is
the religious person. The love-oriented person means one who is not
afraid of the future, one who is not afraid of the result and the
consequence, who lives here and now. Don't be bothered about the
result. That is the fear-oriented mind. Don't think about what will
happen out of it.
Just be here, and act totally. Don't calculate. A fear-oriented man is
always calculating, planning, arranging, safeguarding. His whole life
is lost in this way.
Osho
__._,_.___
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