Self-Consciousness

When you are self-conscious you are in trouble. When you are

self-conscious you are really showing symptoms that you don't

know who you are. Your very self-consciousness indicates that you

have not come home yet.

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Whenever you are self-conscious you are simply showing that

you are not conscious of the self at all. You don't know who you

are. If you had known, then there would have been no problem---

then you are not seeking opinions. Then you are not worried what

others say about you--- it is irrelevant! In fact, nobody ever says anything

about you--- whenever people say something about you, they are saying

it about themselves.

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Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever people say

is about themselves. But you become very shaky, because you are

still clinging to a false center. That false center depends on others,

so you are always looking to what people are saying about you.

And you are always following other people, you are always trying

to satisfy them. You are always trying to be respectable, you are

always trying to decorate your ego. This is suicidal.

Rather than being disturbed by what others say, you should

start looking inside yourself. To know the real self is not so cheap.

But people are always hankering for cheap things.

It happened:

When the pain in Mulla Nasruddin's back became un-

bearable, he reluctantly went to a specialist to diagnose his

problem.

"Well," said the doctor, "your problem can be cured

by an operation, two weeks in the hospital and six months

totally horizontal."

"Doctor, I can't afford the cost of all that!" shouted

Nasruddin.

"Well then, for twenty-five dollars I can retouch the

X ray," suggested the doctor.

This is cheap! ---retouch the X ray--- but it is not going to make

you healthy. That's what we are doing, continuously retouching

the X ray and thinking that somehow the miracle will happen.

When you are decorating your ego you are retouching the X ray.

That is not going to help in any way, it is not going to help you

become healthy. It is cheaper ---no operation is needed, no expense

is involved. But what is the point? Your misery remains.

You become respectable and your misery remains. You be-

come highly praised by the society--- your misery remains. You are

decorated with gold medals but your misery remains. These gold

medals are not going to destroy your misery; they are like retouch-

ing the X ray. All decoration on the ego, for the ego, is nothing

but deceiving yourself. And you go on becoming weaker and

weaker and weaker because the ego goes on becoming weaker

every day. Your body will become weaker, your mind will become

weaker, and by and by the ego that you have created out of the

body and mind combination will become weaker. Fear will become

greater and greater; you will be sitting on a volcano that can any

day explode. It will not allow you rest. It will not allow you relax-

ation, it will not allow you any moments of peace.

Once you understand it then the whole energy is put into

another direction. One has to know oneself. One has not to be

worried about what others say about you.

From Creativity: Unleashing the Forces Within